Beyond Skin-Deep
by Alisha Yi
Tiny freckles swarm my cheeks, my nose, my back. I discovered them after a long day in the Bahamian sun; a prominent group of flecks under the groove of my undereyes, the pale chestnut contrasting my red, sun-burnt skin. I turned to my aunt behind me, and eagerly pointed to both sides of my face. “Hey, look at these freckles! Aren’t they pretty?” I exclaimed in Mandarin, excited that the faux freckle pen sitting untouched in my Amazon cart would soon be removed. However, my aunt wrinkled her eyebrows in disapproval, informing me that salons in China often removed freckles instead. As she turned away and rattled about other topics, I turned back to the mirror and began poking at every little freckle that littered my face, unsure of how to feel.
On one hand, I wanted to admire them: the content I was exposed to on TikTok and Instagram usually praised freckles and tanned skin. However, the discontent my unapologetically-Chinese aunt had exhibited still sat in the back of my mind. As vacation ended and I returned to the gray skies of Boston, I began spending more time in the bathroom obsessing over my freckles. Although I was aware they weren’t a desired feature in East Asian beauty standards, I had never questioned my connection to my racial identity through beauty until now. I began searching up Douyin makeup pictures, and immersed myself in the world of perfectly snowy skin, subtle false eyelashes, and glittery eyelids. As I scrolled through the hundreds of pictures with perfect Chinese girls who seemed to embrace their rounded noses, dark eyebrows and baby-faces, I couldn’t help but admire how confident they were about their ethnic features. Meanwhile, I’d paint my nose in hues of gray and white until it deceived others to be sharp enough, dye my eyebrows from black to brown, and chisel my face until others stopped commenting on my chubby cheeks. I was torn. Should I chase the softer looks other Chinese girls were attempting, or confine myself to the western standards my classmates were following?
This was just one of the struggles I have encountered since moving from an international school in Shanghai to the Belmont public school system. As a child, I seemed to fit the cultural mold alongside everyone else in my school. After moving to the US, though, I struggled with the culture here and felt ashamed of my less appreciated Chinese background, often hiding the fact I had even lived in China. However, moving to Belmont has eventually led me to meet many people who have encouraged me to grow proud of myself, and have since become some of my lifelong friends and peers. Through living in Belmont and exploring myself, I have learned that my racial identity isn’t just one simple concept, nor does it carry a single face or certain features. I now understand that nobody is ever too whitewashed to be Chinese, or too Asian to be American. For May, let’s start by celebrating our rich heritages, broadening our mindsets, and accepting ourselves: freckle by freckle.
Judges' Comments
I was hooked from the vivid opening lines and was interested to read about the insidiousness of white beauty standards in the US from this writer's point of view. - A.K.
Through the unique lens of beauty standards, the essay unveils the full intricacies of a bicultural experience from an inside view, “beyond skin-deep.” It is a wholesome reminder of the conflicting frameworks confronting AAPI identities, and of how one asserts selfhood and finds directions in this seemingly disorienting process---”freckle by freckle.” - N.M.
Oh my goodness young writer! This piece was beautiful, and you talk about beauty, self, and belonging with such nuance and care. I am so impressed by how you built your opening scene with precise, poetic language, and then unpacked it slowly, over the course of the essay, examining its complexity and personal impact. Taking your time with writing – spending several paragraphs just exploring and examining one idea in its fulness – is a hard thing to do, and such a mark of your thoughtfulness and skill as a writer. Thank you for this beautiful work – this is a piece that all teens (and adults!) I know should read! - S.T.
by Alisha Yi
Tiny freckles swarm my cheeks, my nose, my back. I discovered them after a long day in the Bahamian sun; a prominent group of flecks under the groove of my undereyes, the pale chestnut contrasting my red, sun-burnt skin. I turned to my aunt behind me, and eagerly pointed to both sides of my face. “Hey, look at these freckles! Aren’t they pretty?” I exclaimed in Mandarin, excited that the faux freckle pen sitting untouched in my Amazon cart would soon be removed. However, my aunt wrinkled her eyebrows in disapproval, informing me that salons in China often removed freckles instead. As she turned away and rattled about other topics, I turned back to the mirror and began poking at every little freckle that littered my face, unsure of how to feel.
On one hand, I wanted to admire them: the content I was exposed to on TikTok and Instagram usually praised freckles and tanned skin. However, the discontent my unapologetically-Chinese aunt had exhibited still sat in the back of my mind. As vacation ended and I returned to the gray skies of Boston, I began spending more time in the bathroom obsessing over my freckles. Although I was aware they weren’t a desired feature in East Asian beauty standards, I had never questioned my connection to my racial identity through beauty until now. I began searching up Douyin makeup pictures, and immersed myself in the world of perfectly snowy skin, subtle false eyelashes, and glittery eyelids. As I scrolled through the hundreds of pictures with perfect Chinese girls who seemed to embrace their rounded noses, dark eyebrows and baby-faces, I couldn’t help but admire how confident they were about their ethnic features. Meanwhile, I’d paint my nose in hues of gray and white until it deceived others to be sharp enough, dye my eyebrows from black to brown, and chisel my face until others stopped commenting on my chubby cheeks. I was torn. Should I chase the softer looks other Chinese girls were attempting, or confine myself to the western standards my classmates were following?
This was just one of the struggles I have encountered since moving from an international school in Shanghai to the Belmont public school system. As a child, I seemed to fit the cultural mold alongside everyone else in my school. After moving to the US, though, I struggled with the culture here and felt ashamed of my less appreciated Chinese background, often hiding the fact I had even lived in China. However, moving to Belmont has eventually led me to meet many people who have encouraged me to grow proud of myself, and have since become some of my lifelong friends and peers. Through living in Belmont and exploring myself, I have learned that my racial identity isn’t just one simple concept, nor does it carry a single face or certain features. I now understand that nobody is ever too whitewashed to be Chinese, or too Asian to be American. For May, let’s start by celebrating our rich heritages, broadening our mindsets, and accepting ourselves: freckle by freckle.
Judges' Comments
I was hooked from the vivid opening lines and was interested to read about the insidiousness of white beauty standards in the US from this writer's point of view. - A.K.
Through the unique lens of beauty standards, the essay unveils the full intricacies of a bicultural experience from an inside view, “beyond skin-deep.” It is a wholesome reminder of the conflicting frameworks confronting AAPI identities, and of how one asserts selfhood and finds directions in this seemingly disorienting process---”freckle by freckle.” - N.M.
Oh my goodness young writer! This piece was beautiful, and you talk about beauty, self, and belonging with such nuance and care. I am so impressed by how you built your opening scene with precise, poetic language, and then unpacked it slowly, over the course of the essay, examining its complexity and personal impact. Taking your time with writing – spending several paragraphs just exploring and examining one idea in its fulness – is a hard thing to do, and such a mark of your thoughtfulness and skill as a writer. Thank you for this beautiful work – this is a piece that all teens (and adults!) I know should read! - S.T.